I know it's Thanksgiving and we're supposed to be recounting all the things for which we are thankful. My cup is usually at least half-full on a daily basis (hopeful optimist) so this exercise is typically a no-brainer for me...
...but NOT today.
I'm having a rough day.
Just the culmination of lots of rough days...hitting me all today...I suppose because I have a day off so I have time to think about it all.
So the last straw this morning was when I was attempting to be "productive", before going to Thanksgiving dinner, and trying to hang garland now so December 25th doesn't sneak up on me and I don't get to use my beautiful new garland from Costco. :0)
Well, I couldn't figure out how to get it to stay on the mantle without nails, tacks or anything else that would damage it. I tried duct tape, zip ties, velcro and even those Command strips, but it kept falling...ugh!! The meltdown ensued...
...I cried... (this went on for awhile)
Then I asked, no, complained really:
"God! Why aren't you helping me do this??! It should be so simple! Why won't you just help me?! Oh, am I not being positive enough?? Are you really even here right now? Or is this just about positive thinking and I'm not being positive enough??? Is that when you help your people, when they remain positive through the trials in their life??? (Whoa! where did that come from??)
This went on for awhile too...
Then I heard him say, "Just lay it all down --- the garland".
(I didn't want to do that because in some silly way it meant I'd failed. But I finally set the garland down on the ground again.)
Then, through my tears I heard, "The pure in heart will see God".
What does that mean exactly???
He said to my heart, "I have a window or vehicles that allows you to see me. Just like when you want to look at particles that are invisible to the naked eye you have to use the microscope to see them (and you don't complain that you "have" to use them). The vehicles I've given you to see me are faith & trust. "The pure in heart will see God" is not so much about being perfect before you can see me, but it is about the heart's focus...
...A singular focus...on Me."
I listened.
"You can try to use other vehicles to see me, but I've given you trust in me so you can see me. It's the window you will need to use. This distrust that you've had in your heart needed to come out. It was blocking you from seeing me."
"I will help you... Ask your husband for his assistance."
Okay, so truth is I didn't want to ask my husband because I've been nursing a hurt. But as soon as I did, he figured out a way to anchor the zip ties and in no time at all, the garland is now gorgeously (is that a word?) displayed on our mantle.
Lord, just as a muscle grows through use, so it is with Trust. When my focus is darting everywhere, and I can't find you, please refocus me on who you are and that your character of Love never changes. This will cause me to see you so I can trust in that amazing care you have for me...
...and Thank you so much Lord, for giving me my thankfulness back.
Isaiah 65:24 "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still
talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Whether we like to admit it or not, we reneg on our landlord/tenant agreement with God all of the time. What???
When we struck up our contract with God, through Jesus his son, what were the terms? Our whole life, for his whole life. He would take up residency in us through the Holy Spirit and we would now live the life we gave to him by his direction and stop wandering aimlessly on our own! But we renegotiate that deal all the time. God never goes back on his contract. He never leaves us. He loved us so much that he signed the contract in Jesus' blood. But we, as my 11 year old puts it, "we signed with pencil and an eraser." We are constantly taking parts of our life back as if somehow God is too inept to coach us in those areas.
I think the reason we do this is b/c we forget who we belong to so we stop growing in trust towards him. Even though we accepted God's contract for our lives, we somehow forget that learning to trust him is a process. And we forget WHO we're learning to trust. Not only is he the God of all the universe but more importantly he says that he's LOVE. It's not just one of his many names, but it's who he is. It's not just what he does. He is the substance of LOVE. (Ok, that's another blog all together!) But I guess my point is that the way we start this process with God is the way we need to continue it. We have to give this relationship time to develop. We have to spend time getting to know him so that we can learn to trust him. And as we learn to trust him, we can more readily hand over the day to day decisions. We can not just expect him to do everything for us but we now have a partner in life who really has our BEST interest in mind and who will partner with us every day, in every way.
When we struck up our contract with God, through Jesus his son, what were the terms? Our whole life, for his whole life. He would take up residency in us through the Holy Spirit and we would now live the life we gave to him by his direction and stop wandering aimlessly on our own! But we renegotiate that deal all the time. God never goes back on his contract. He never leaves us. He loved us so much that he signed the contract in Jesus' blood. But we, as my 11 year old puts it, "we signed with pencil and an eraser." We are constantly taking parts of our life back as if somehow God is too inept to coach us in those areas.
I think the reason we do this is b/c we forget who we belong to so we stop growing in trust towards him. Even though we accepted God's contract for our lives, we somehow forget that learning to trust him is a process. And we forget WHO we're learning to trust. Not only is he the God of all the universe but more importantly he says that he's LOVE. It's not just one of his many names, but it's who he is. It's not just what he does. He is the substance of LOVE. (Ok, that's another blog all together!) But I guess my point is that the way we start this process with God is the way we need to continue it. We have to give this relationship time to develop. We have to spend time getting to know him so that we can learn to trust him. And as we learn to trust him, we can more readily hand over the day to day decisions. We can not just expect him to do everything for us but we now have a partner in life who really has our BEST interest in mind and who will partner with us every day, in every way.
Isn't it enough to want to?
I've been talking to God a lot lately...
You know the old adage, "you are who you hang around with?" Well, I'm pretty sure my actions of late have been more reflective of someone who spends waayyy too much time alone with her own thoughts, then those of a girl who's letting her primary influence be God...but I'm trying to change all of that.
It makes me think of something Einstein's once said, "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details!"
Well, Albert, I completely agree with you!
I want to think like God. In fact, I want to love like God... treat others like God does... and I want to love myself like God loves me. But how I do this?
Isn't it enough to want to?
I can answer my own question: No!
It's not enough to want to do something that it makes it happen.
I want to lose weight, but I've got to do something more than just want it into existence. I think the key to transitioning from "want to" to "will do" to "I'm doing it!" is to THINK different thoughts than what I've been thinking. God said in the Bible that, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he (or she)." And the only way I'm going to think different thoughts is to ask God what his thoughts are about my situation.
Whether I find his thoughts through talking (and listening) to God or by reading what he wrote through other people in his book, the Bible, I've got to trust that God cares enough about me that he wants me to be successful at any change I'm trying to make. In fact, because God is such a loving Father, I believe that he wants my success MORE than I want it. Now that's motivating!
The other day I was talking with my youngest son about lasting change and he said, "Mom, motivation is like the starter in the lawn mower. You pull the cord and the mower starts, but it's the engine and fuel that keep it going. That's like discipline. It's discipline that keeps us going to our goal."
So, I'll leave you with this thought: Psa 94:11-14 The LORD knows that people's thoughts are pointless.
O LORD, blessed is the person whom you discipline and instruct from your teachings.
You give him peace and quiet from times of trouble while a pit is dug to trap wicked people.
The LORD will never desert his people or abandon those who belong to him.
You know the old adage, "you are who you hang around with?" Well, I'm pretty sure my actions of late have been more reflective of someone who spends waayyy too much time alone with her own thoughts, then those of a girl who's letting her primary influence be God...but I'm trying to change all of that.
It makes me think of something Einstein's once said, "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details!"
Well, Albert, I completely agree with you!
I want to think like God. In fact, I want to love like God... treat others like God does... and I want to love myself like God loves me. But how I do this?
Isn't it enough to want to?
I can answer my own question: No!
It's not enough to want to do something that it makes it happen.
I want to lose weight, but I've got to do something more than just want it into existence. I think the key to transitioning from "want to" to "will do" to "I'm doing it!" is to THINK different thoughts than what I've been thinking. God said in the Bible that, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he (or she)." And the only way I'm going to think different thoughts is to ask God what his thoughts are about my situation.
Whether I find his thoughts through talking (and listening) to God or by reading what he wrote through other people in his book, the Bible, I've got to trust that God cares enough about me that he wants me to be successful at any change I'm trying to make. In fact, because God is such a loving Father, I believe that he wants my success MORE than I want it. Now that's motivating!
The other day I was talking with my youngest son about lasting change and he said, "Mom, motivation is like the starter in the lawn mower. You pull the cord and the mower starts, but it's the engine and fuel that keep it going. That's like discipline. It's discipline that keeps us going to our goal."
So, I'll leave you with this thought: Psa 94:11-14 The LORD knows that people's thoughts are pointless.
O LORD, blessed is the person whom you discipline and instruct from your teachings.
You give him peace and quiet from times of trouble while a pit is dug to trap wicked people.
The LORD will never desert his people or abandon those who belong to him.
Monday, August 12, 2013
I think my processor's broken...
I'm referring to my heart/head connection.
I've been stuck...
You know sometimes when things just don't make sense? When you try and try but can't wrap your mind around the "Whys" of circumstances or events that are taking place in your life? You ask and ask, "Why can't I lose weight?" "Why am I sick all the time?" "Why did this or that happen?" Or my favorite one, "God, why didn't you warn me about so and so before it happened?" .... you know those open ended questions that no answer seems to fit at the time...
Well, that's where I've been stuck...stuck in the frustration of NOT having all the answers...stuck in the PAIN of circumstances that have perpetuated heartache and aren't changing as fast as I want them to...frustrated with myself... my family...my God.
I thought if I checked off a few things on my "to do" list, that at least I wouldn't compound my "stuckness" with guilt over not completing my daily goals. This brought me to the last time I spoke with Dr Nina (my very kind and wise Naturopath), she suggested that forward movement, whether walking or running or any type of physical movement can really help with processing mental/emotional dilemmas. I thought that was an interesting concept and it kinda stuck with me so I tested it out.
I did not WANT to participate in forward movement (aka, exercise) today! I put it off as long as I could, but the pushy girl inside said "just get it over with!" I'm glad she won...so glad! So down to the basement treadmill I went. I stuck in an old Third Day cd and at first it was just music to move to....but then after a mile or so... just like God does... the words started to permeate my "stuck" places. My broken processor started slowly processing...
As I listened to the song, "Thief" it reminded me (and I was in such a desperate place of needing reminding) that HE exchanged HIS life for mine so that I can live a beautiful life... in every possible way -- every single day, starting today.
And in that moment, God spoke to that heart that was softened by hearing the truth. And that even though I feel frustrated ( and even angry) at Him in this moment because I don't understand WHY he let things happen the way they have, he can even overlook this and still love me through it...all the way through it...until I do understand. And that no matter where the gaps are in my understanding that he is not holding back from me. He wants me to know how to resolve these problems and heartaches and he WILL bring the answers.
Jeremiah went through many times like I'm experiencing. One of the times is described here in Jeremiah 15:19(Amp)
19 Therefore thus says the Lord [to Jeremiah]: If you return [and give up this mistaken tone of distrust and despair], then I will give you again a settled place of quiet and safety, and you will be My minister; and if you separate the precious from the vile [cleansing your own heart from unworthy and unwarranted suspicions concerning God’s faithfulness], you shall be My mouthpiece.
Well said, God!
Oh, one more thing...
Here are the lyrics that were so touching to me -- the ones from the perspective of the thief next to Jesus on the cross ("Thief" - Third Day):
"Who is this man? This man beside me? They call the King of the Jews
They don't believe that He's the Messiah...But, somehow I know it's true.
And they laugh at Him in mockery, and beat Him till he bleeds
They nail Him to the rugged cross,
and raise Him,
they raise Him up next to me
My time has come, I'm slowly fading
I deserve what I receive
"Jesus when You are in Your kingdom
Could You please remember me?"
and He looks at me...still holding on...the tears fall from His eyes
He says "I tell the truth - Today, you will live with Me in paradise."
I started to worship God as I ran and let him know I would commit anew to trusting that even when I don't know....He does. And that I can trust him to bring the understanding that I need to get unstuck.
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